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Stubsack: weekly thread for sneers not worth an entire post, week ending 30th March 2025


in reply to BlueMonday1984

in reply to Sailor Sega Saturn

Anecdote: I gave up on COBOL as a career after beginning to learn it. The breaking point was learning that not only does most legacy COBOL code use go-to statements but that there is a dedicated verb which rewrites go-to statements at runtime and is still supported on e.g. the IBM Enterprise COBOL for z/OS platform that SSA is likely using: ALTER.

When I last looked into this a decade ago, there was a small personal website last updated in the 1990s that had advice about how to rewrite COBOL to remove GOTO and ALTER verbs; if anybody has a link, I'd appreciate it, as I can no longer find it. It turns out that the best ways of removing these spaghetti constructions involve multiple rounds of incremental changes which are each unlikely to alter the code's behavior. Translations to a new language are doomed to failure; even Java is far too structured to directly encode COBOL control flow, and the time would be better spent on abstract specification of the system so that it can be rebuilt from that specification instead. This is also why IBM makes bank selling COBOL emulators.

in reply to gerikson

In my head transhumanism is this cool idea where I'd get to have a zoom function in my eye

But of course none of that could exist in our capitalist hellscape because of just all the reasons the ruling class would use it to opress the working class.

And then you find out what transhumanists actually advocate for and it's just eugenics. Like without even a tiny bit of plausible deniability. They're proud it's eugenics.