Sorry about all of that. Everything else tonight. I didn't lose it, but I kinda got so wrapped up in all of this, that I forgot about everything else for a moment, As one does. Anyway.

Can I ask you for something selfish? Please? When you have the opportunity to do something kind for someone else, will you do it? Please? For me? Hopefully they will have a good time, and not be lonely, at least for a little while. That's all that I'm asking. A "random" act of kindness. No reasoning, no motivation, just because.

I'm a bit embarrassed how much that I want for everyone to have a good time. It makes my heart hurt, to think of excluding some people from it. Its silly. Cooking, cleaning, creating, sharing, all of my hobbies and interests are tied up in things that I want to do for other people, things that will make other people happy. Things done in service of other people.

I'm sorry. I thought that if maybe things were different, that by the time we got here, our fate would be different. But it isn't, and it won't be, even if we tried again. I'm smiling, because I can, but... its okay not to smile. Its okay to be scared. Its okay to be afraid. Life isn't just being happy all the time. If it were all the dumb idiots wouldn't complain about it.

Hope is infectious, isn't it? Wishful thinking, belief, yearning, attention. But what do you think happens next? Are you just going through the motions? Trying to process the day, talking, fighting, studying, working, whatever, to make it through? Surely sometimes it feels like an insult, that the earth continues rotating around you.

But don't you give up. Not ever. Even when you're going through the motions, spinning in place, trying to find something, anything, that means a little something, Don't lose hope, don't quit on what might be. Don't forget about your friends.

You can open your eyes now. The people who need you are crying out. Listen, answer, help, and hope. That's what keeps us human.