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In this article, I intend to x-ray a sometimes-forgotten, usually- neglected aspect of lovelife, partnership or association.

This becomes essential as we pursue the common thread of this blog, which is eliminating relationship conflicts.

Couple's Fault-lines are undeniable stark realities and identifying them will assist couples to salvage, sustain, and grow their union.

Please click through the clickable sub-topics below to read on::

A Couple's Reality Check

8 Remedies For Disharmony

What Is The Reality? 

Here's one reality:  eliminating relationship conflicts is an herculean task.

Here's another: locating the premise for it is a mandatory first step.

To do that, you need to research into its roots and discover actionable answers.

Like:

What are the common causes of disharmony within couples? 

How can you prevent, avoid, or eliminate them?

More specifically, what is it that constitutes  fault-lines?

In simple terms,  they are negative personality traits which operate negatively in relationships.

Like leeches, if you don't do anything to remove them, they will maliciously expand and introduce new complexities into existing conflicts. 

If you want an example, let me introduce my niece Sarah to you (don't worry, I have her permission to discuss her marriage).

One day I opened my door to find her standing on my doormat, and my heart skipped a beat.

She couldn’t have failed to see the disappointment on my face as she entered my quarters.

She had no need to tell me what had happened.

I knew instinctively that she must have had another quarrel with her man.

If ever two partners produced discordant tunes, that would be my niece and her man.

Even though they had been married for some years now, they were yet to learn how to co-exist in harmony.

Truly, coupleship can be beautiful or terrible, depending on the actions of those involved.

It can be tough for two people to relate peacefully, especially if they are incompatible.

Yet, relating with one another is everything.

Nature is forever engaged in never-ending interactions with humanity. 

We in return are constantly dialoguing  with our environment or somebody or something, in obedience to the natural order of affairs.

However, it’s the manner in which we carry out this activity  which determines success or failure.

Frankly speaking, let us advise ourselves that Love or the Lack of it, is at the root of all our exchanges.

Frankly speaking, let us advise ourselves that Love or the Lack of it, is at the root of all our exchanges.

Love is a complex emotion that seeks to positively moderate  the multi-dimensional facts of life.  

It can bring immense joy and happiness, but it can also expose us to vulnerability and heartbreak. 

It is a force that can transcend boundaries and overcome obstacles, but it is not immune to the challenges and hardships that come with prevailing circumstances.

Sarah’s visit actually inspired the production of this article.

It brought to the front burner of my mind how a bad relationship can adversely affect two people in love, because they have failed to discover how to live together.

By contrast, a relationship where there is a blend of love and reality is a healthy one. 

It is one where both partners have a clear understanding of each other and are willing to work together. 

It is one where love is not just a feeling but a choice, where both partners actively choose to be there for each other through thick and thin.

8 MEANS TO PREVENT DISHARMONY

What Couples Need To Do To Eliminate Disharmony:

1. EFFORT

If wishes were horses .........

If I could only make the wish and get that contract handed to me on a platter of gold.

If only I could just close my eyes and angels would come down the ladder from heaven bringing to me what I wished.

But does it work like that?

Does a seed grow into foodstuff  without labour and sweat?

Can sugar, iron, wine or gold be refined without effort and sweat?

Absolutely no!

To the contrary, here’s the formula that works:

Effort + Labour + Sweat = Success

It takes somebody making the efforts to produce a result.

Effort is a key element of reality, without which I believe no relationship can survive.

Effort is a paramount factor of communication, irrespective of whether you are striving to salvage a failing relationship, build one, or enjoy a rosy one. 

Effort is essential to eliminate disharmony between couples and  demonstrated through labour and sweat.

It is an essential part of love. When we make the effort we begin to see our partners for who they trully are and not who we want them to be.

Positive effort-making makes us realize that our relationships are not perfect, and to accept that that’s okay. It helps us understand that every alliance requires labour and attempts to make it work.

The bottom line is this:  if you desire to have a good relationship you have to take conscious and deliberate steps to achieve it.

Work for it.

That’s the reality.

2.  COMPROMISE

Life itself is a blend of multiple colours and change is its only constant element.

Something must always give way for another to thrive.

We all bring a lot of personal dreams, desires and wants to our partnerships, union and relationships.

Is it ever possible for everybody to have his or her own way all the time?

Can you or rather should you ALWAYS be right and your partner PERPETUALLY wrong?

Must your water always be hot without at least a reasonable mixture of cold quantity to make it safe?

Must your jet forever be in flight without ever landing even to refuel?

That’s a recipé for disaster in the making, of course.

You need a key element of reality to give your partnership a good health.

Compromise.

That means you have to realize and acknowledge you can’t always be RIGHT, that indeed you are going to be WRONG sometimes (if not most times) at least.

Plainly speaking, if only to save your union, you MUST accept being wrong sometimes even when its obvious you are not.

Compromise.

Remember that good  vintage yet timeless  English proverb:

Love is blind, and marriage is a discovery, warts and all.

That suggests you both have a duty to dilute your love with a serious amount of reality, which means accepting your partner for who they truly are, flaws and all.

It means you have to understand that love is not about changing someone to please you, but about managing and supporting them and showing interest in their growth.

It means being honest about your expectations and working together to meet each other’s needs.

It means walking the middle course and choosing to work on mutual agreements and consultations, rather than expressing selfish wants, needs and desires.

3.  PASSION AND PRACTICALITY

Passion is a tidal wave that can either be positive or negative.

Every relationship comes with its own crowd of emotions .

For example, you are either happy with your partner or not, depending on the circumstances.

Even the tongue and the teeth do quarrel, don’t they?

Yet the tongue has nowhere to run away to, no matter how fiercely its disagreement with the teeth is.

This boils down to a single fact:

we need to ensure that we avoid going into emotional extremes, no matter the  level of provocation.

We must always try to establish a balance between passion and practicality.

4.  DREAMS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

If you’ve ever been in love , you can easily reflect on how giddy and unrealistic it can oftentimes be. 

Blind love drowns you in a sea of  unreality.

It saddles you with a baggage of fantasies and centres  all your personal dreams and expectations around the one you love.

Beyond that, it rquellay emotionally deceives you into a false mindset or belief that your partner can never do wrong.

Unfortunately that feeling never lasts.

As soon as hard facts set in, all your dreams go flying out through the window.

Truth be told: blind love is negative, it is not the stuff that makes relationships survive.

You desire to save or sustain your relationship?

Then you've got to have love whose eyes are wide open.

You need love that’s INTELLIGENT and DISCERNING.

You need love that’s CARING and RESPONSIBLE.

Responsibility is a key element which facilitates a healthy growth in relationships. 

It is the rude awakening to emotional day-dreaming and a wake-up call to the bargain.

To be accountable, in a tangible way, is to be committed to promoting the goals of a relationship.

Therefore it is very important for couples to establish balance between dreams and responsibilities, and demonstrate positive responsible contributions for the benefit and longevity of their union.

5.  BONDING AND MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

How well do you know your guy?

Can you positively predict him or her at a pass mark level?

Are you familiar with his or her peculiarities and needs?

Can you DECODE what your partner wants even before he or she says it ?

Can you hold up your fingers and rapidly count his or her likes and dislikes?

Can you IDENTIFY and EMPATHIZE with what you have observed in your partner?

If you can’t do the above, then something important is missing and that’s MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING, which is a very important element required to sustain or salvage relationships.

When it’s present in adequate quantity there’s no need for verbal expressions.

If you’ve ever met couples who got that key you’ll be amazed what gets done without anything being said.

They can grasp the messages expressed by their body languages.

They speak with their eyes.

They know when something displeases their partners just from body signals or facial reactions alone.

Mutual understanding is a street-wise  factor which helps us to respect the feelings and preferences of our partners.

It enables us to respect each other’s peculiarities and dynamics.

More importantly, it enriches our ability to bond better with our partner, communicate effectively, and live in peace and harmony with them.

6.  ENDURANCE AND RESILIENCE

Endurance is the foundation for exploits, for discoveries, for breakthroughs and successes, indeed for a whole lot of explorations in connections.

Can Love be LOVE without endurance?

It would lose its legs and collapse.

It would lose its substance and become an empty vessel.

It would lose its physique and become a mere shadow.

Endurance is key in sustaining or salvaging any proposition, be it personal, business or association.

Without endurance our routes will be populated by uncountable comas, failures, half measures, uncompleted campaigns, and missed successes.

If it is true that genuine and pragmatic love is the embodiment of successful relationships, then it may be said that ENDURANCE is its mechanic and lubricator.

Through Endurance we are inspired to become the best version of ourselves, while overcoming hurdles and challenges through patience and resilience.

7.  PERSONAL SACRIFICE

Sacrifice is cliche, it’s like a broken record, but it remains forever relevant.

It is a requirement for achieving whatever you want to achieve.

You can’t do without it.

Everything, every activity, requires sacrifice.

You can’t set up a business without blocking some wasteful leaks in your purse, getting a loan, or taking some other business-friendly measures which will reduce what you spend on yourself, like limiting spending on your wardrobe, etc.

You want to own your own house?

Then you’ve got to start putting some money aside regularly, deliberately and over time.

Go for mortgage.

That means some of your wants are going to be cut off or drastically reduced and you are going to have to subject yourself to some unpleasant financial self-disciple.

You make the sacrifice in order to have a roof over your head.

Sacrifice.

Nothing works without it. Absence of it in a relationship displays all the negative monsters we wish to run away from.

Without it we become selfish, self-centered, and possibly greedy.

Sacrifice is one of the most important reality elements which are crucial to the sustenance, boosting, and salvation of relationships.

It helps to remind us that existence is not just about feeling good all the time, it reminds us of the needs of our partners and the importance of acting in their interest.

Finally, when we imbibe the spirit of making personal sacrifices, we become better equipped to handle challenges and creating meaningful relationships.

8.  LOYALTY AND SUPPORT

One may perhaps be right to ascribe the failure of most relationships, partnerships and unions to the absence of the twin factors of Loyalty and Support.

A structure without a pillar (support) can never stand.

It’s a well-known fact that when these elements are absent, serious negative misbehaviour and actovities begin to fly in all directions. These include extra-marital affairs, abuse of the union, and other anti-union activities.

Beyond the mere expressions of love, Loyalty and Support are key elements of reality.

In a world where we are bombarded with romanticized ideas of love, it is easy to lose sight of what love truly is.

Practical love is not a mere declaration or emotion; it’s neither a fantasy nor just about the happy moments, but is also about the dynamics of coping with the hard moments.

It is about 

demonstrating commitment

loyalty and support to your partner

standing by them during tough  times, 

helping them to recover or grow.

Love is about being there for each other, no matter what life throws at you.

Conclusion

In conclusion, it is important to emphasize hereto that a blend of love and reality is key to managing and sustaining relationship and family.

In the preceding paragraphs I have examined 8 elements of reality which  can facilitate good health and longevity of our relationships.

I hope that they have added value somehow.

Please feel free to make your comment in the Comment section.