Skip to main content


Why do schools have dances? Why do many high schools host parties, sometimes inter-school parties at the school?

A school isn't just a machine that puts knowledge into people's brains, it's an organization of people. And those people will want to celebrate together from time to time. This WILL happen. "official" events can be more inclusive.

But also for young people it's a part of social education, providing some baseline for how you interact with other people.

1/

reshared this

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Schools dances, office holiday parties can be kind of corny and boring. So many people have input on what can and cannot be done that you might end up with a very limited and boring event.

But, these things are still very important (the office parties less so, I think)-- they have an "educational purpose"

And this is why schools need to come to grips with running social media intranets.

2/

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Right now teens go off into the wild to find a place on social media and adults are rightly alarmed. Companies like Facebook, Instagram, X etc. have no interest in "modeling a healthy online environment" or "teaching young people to use social media constructively" -- instead everyone is acting like simply banning kids from using phones and scanning IDs will make social media go away.

No one is asking or answering the question: How and when will young people learn to use social media?

3/

This entry was edited (20 hours ago)

reshared this

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Like bars, they will go in as complete innocents at age (whatever). Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I think that schools should take on this role.

You could have a server for a school with mastodon, but not connected to the rest of the fedi, you could network with similar schools. Just like at the school dance the teachers are around so there are limits to how it's used.

Teens could post about their soccer games, advertise their clubs, make jokes, practice using the medium wisely.

When teens post to social media they care about their friends at school seeing the post most. 4/

reshared this

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I've had people hear this idea scoff saying "teens will never use it" I don't think this is true. They ALL come to the dances, even though they are "so boring" -- and I think at some level they would feel better having a safer place to express themselves in photos, videos and writing for each other without every creep on the internet looking in on it.

Will some teens still find internet "after parties" Yes.

But right now we are basically saying you can go to the afterparty or NOTHING.

5/5

in reply to myrmepropagandist

What is more true is the adults don't want to bother to set it up.

Just like no one really wants to chaperone the dance.

But we have figured out that NOT having the dance is worse.

It will leave some kids locked out socially, others will create events that are too adult or unsafe.

We need to show them how it could work. Part of the obstacle to doing this is how few *adults* know how to use social media in a constructive way. So maybe we all need lessons.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I think there's a lot of truth in this statement. I keep thinking I know how to use social media, I also keep getting blocked by nice people. 🤷‍♂️
in reply to Wyatt H Knott

@Wyatt_H_Knott

Don't take blocking personally unless you were having a real conversation with the person and they felt the need to tell you why.

I think some people block me because I "post too much" -- and you know? That is fine. Because I do.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Also, you do post a lot. Because you think a lot. You're not reposting memes, or even doing the same thing over and over. You're thinking about stuff and sharing those (often very intelligent and unique) thoughts with us, which I find to be a great priviledge, and I would be SORELY disappointed in myself if I ever said anything that made you block me.
in reply to Wyatt H Knott

@Wyatt_H_Knott actually to this point, in the early 00s I got blocked on livejournal by one of my favorite authors and it was actually one of the best things they could have done.
I made some dismissive backhanded compliment because I didn't respect genre writing, and she was having none of that.
When the people you're interacting with have meaning to you beyond the Internet I think it's very good for building better social skills.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

As a teacher who is always looking out for kids who struggle with "socializing" the part about being shut out really bothers me.

When I was in HS internet was a secret world for a few dozen nerdy kids who knew about it. Now it's more like the socially savvy kids figure it out, and even manage to use it rather responsibly, but the kids who are more like I was... they have no idea what's going on or where to start and they are just left out.

That sucks.

reshared this

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I mean the "secret club for nerds" was not great either but at least it wasn't concentrating social power in the hands of the already socially skilled and powerful.

But, that's what's going on now. Your shy socially awkward kid may at best find some kindred souls online, but at worst?

A chatbot may fill their head with nonsense or they will get preyed on by internet creeps.

And the later was already happening when I was young.

A school should at least set one good example.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This entry was edited (19 hours ago)
in reply to Peppermint Solstice Faith

@faithisleaping

I think that adults don't do anything about the bullying and have not created any way for students to say it is happening is the real failure.

And if kids want to use the wider internet they still can. I just think what we have now is by default exclusionary since only those kids with parents who help them use the internet, or those with parents who don't care know what's going on at all.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@faithisleaping
Beyond just not doing anything about bullies, the school system I went to treated *me* as the problem for 1) *being* bullied, 2) honestly expecting teachers to do their alleged job in stopping bullies, and 3) just generally not fitting in (*especially* because "fitting in" is what girls are "supposed to be" good at).

I half-wonder if some faculty secretly thinks bullying is a *good* thing that punishes misfits for them.

in reply to Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary

@pteryx @faithisleaping

"I half-wonder if some faculty secretly thinks bullying is a *good* thing that punishes misfits for them."

There are adults who think this. They are real and they are incorrect.

No, I can't make an outcast kid feel like they are a part of the class 100 percent. But, I can make them feel like they are just as valued as everyone else and deserve to be treated with respect.

Teens don't like it when you point out they are being a jerk. They will stop, or tone it down.

myrmepropagandist reshared this.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@pteryx @faithisleaping

In fact, I've seen some pretty dramatic changes just from pointing out that "no one wants to be treated like that" and "you are being mean."

It's your job if you are the adult.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@faithisleaping
I'm pretty sure the majority of my own bullies knew damned well that they were being mean and no one would want to be treated the way I was; beyond merely not caring, they actively wanted to harm me specifically. There *was*, however, a minority who didn't actually *want* to bully me and was peer-pressured into it.
in reply to Pteryx the Puzzle Secretary

Oh the kids I've spoken to know what they are doing too. They do not like having it pointed out by an adult.

That the adults didn't do anything for you or acted like they couldn't is a failure on their part.

Kids will be mean on purpose because it can feel grown up and powerful. They see it in media, or they know an adult like that. They don't always think about the fallout fully.

But when another adult isn't impressed it's not so mature and worldly seeming anymore.

This entry was edited (18 hours ago)
in reply to myrmepropagandist

@faithisleaping
At first, the teachers *did* scold the bullies... and that didn't work, which meant that the teachers got frustrated with my continuing to ask them to perform a futile task, which quite frankly had a lot to do with them starting to treat me as the problem for expecting them to do their jobs.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I'm seeing people in this thread who were let down so badly by their schools, and the trauma caused by that abandonment, that betrayal, is still so very real and present. I feel that, as another person with lifelong cPTSD caused by emotional abuse in the school environment.

(I refuse to even give it the respectable label of "bullying"-- it was calculated, intentional, repeated, emotional traumatisation.)

But I want to "pay forwards" to you my thanks for standing up to abuse, for stopping it happening where you have power.

Because throughout the hell that was secondary school, a tiny handful of teachers were willing and able to say "not in my classroom". I remember looking thru my diary and feeling the visceral relief that I had science that day, or English. For 55 blessed minutes, my nervous system could recover from the state of hypervigilance that I was spending every other hour of my day in.

I am not exaggerating when I call those teachers lifesavers.
@pteryx @faithisleaping

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@pteryx @faithisleaping I've done this with strangers on the bus once, they'd been dumping on the one girl in the group for far too long and I just snapped at them

they got a BIT defensive but in a self-soothing way, and they did lay off her. Sure, teenagers often won't admit it when they realise they were being a dick. But they tend to reel it in, yeah

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@pteryx @faithisleaping
I can say with 100% certainty my elementary school considered bullying to be a necessary social skill. It was like they were grooming us to work for or marry into the Ewing family.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I love your presence on here, and believe 💯 that you are a force for good in your students' lives. But my experience of school and school mediated (as in by faculty/administration) social events was definitely closer to faithisleaping and pteryx's descriptions than the positive "safety net included" version of the real world equivalents.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

As skeptical as I may be of this working out in a way that would actually be respectful of children, I do see one singular potential upside: I imagine that a school-run Mastodon instance would not allow kids to actively make accounts, but would instead assign accounts to kids which they cannot delete. Therefore, blocks would actually work because the usual evasion tactics would be impossible.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

in reply to myrmepropagandist

When I was in high school, it was a nerdy high school so we had several people running their own Linux servers.

On the Linux servers, we were writing interactive fiction on one particular BBS board. I kept inserting a particular boyfriend who did not want to be in the fiction, and he would immediately add the next chapter to the story killing his own character off because he did not want to be in the story.

There was one student who posted "I am bisexual" to all the boards.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

For me, the Internet went from the only place I was comfortable in high school to just another social nightmare in the last 10 years. I have wondered what it's like for kids today.

It doesn't seem like there's any niche place to express themselves without the threat of bullying at all.

in reply to regular violet

@thecrushedviolet

They have carved out little spaces on tumblr and instagram.

But they also use discord and things like that a lot.

Discord kind of scares me because who knows what's going on in there? I hope that the older students take to heart our lessons about setting boundaries and asking for help.

But this isn't a new problem, it's always been part of growing up.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@thecrushedviolet
At least you recognize bullying as a serious problem at all.

As for learning about setting boundaries and asking for help... quite frankly, the lesson I took away from how the faculty treated me at school is that authority figures will do anything, *ANYTHING*, to minimize their own workload, and therefore asking appointed or self-selected authority figures for help is not just futile, but potentially counterproductive as they turn on you.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

in reply to myrmepropagandist

during lockdown I reached out to school to see if I could help with IT

They didn't take up my offer - but what I learned through the process is that schools have less than minimal IT support , there is no IT manager, in house support person, purchasing officer - nothing.

Schools and Youth groups need better funding, till then kids are at the mercy of the evil corporations

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is a fascinating idea and you've used an excellent social education metaphor in the school dance.

The great roadblock I anticipate would need to be overcome would be the legal liability, followed by the political and moral panic.

I was about to say no one freaks out about teaching math—but yeah, they do. Folks definitely freak out *more* when educators teach social skills or anything bordering on someone's idea of morality. This'd allow students to express themselves. Oh no!

in reply to myrmepropagandist

That's because you're sensible.

Dances do not typically create a perfect digital record of everything that happens at them, and social media platforms typically do. That's great for people investigating actual wrongdoing, but it also makes a gold mine of innocent content to be used by profit-seeking lawyers and disingenuous adults to intimidate, harass, and legally destroy whatever school tried to implement such a platform.

There's also those generally-ignored child privacy laws.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Good point.

I may have made an incorrect assumption that you were proposing that a school homegrow or otherwise implement its own social media platform...like a Mastodon instance.

The services you identified are all provided by third parties under contract with the school. That contract provides obligations for those parties to assure FERPA-protected and other private data is kept safe. This provides a certain indemnity under the reasonable actor standard. (At least where I work.)

in reply to myrmepropagandist

The most efficient way to do this is to have a centralized organization to do this. This shares the costs of IT across every school that needs it. A school would contract them out to set up an instance and provide mod privileges to the teachers willing to do this.

The org could also do other cloud services (email, wiki, owncloud, etc) as an alternative to MS or Google.

And then, SV capital could buy the org and sell students' data to advertisers

in reply to myrmepropagandist

OK, I don’t work with kids (I teach at a university), so I have no real expertise here—but this sounds *excellent* to me. Provide a well-moderated, nontoxic space, because if we don’t they’ll just go elsewhere and be less safe.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I actually tried this at the end of last year. Our student journalists, who have a (school hosted) blog, wanted an IG handle, which was a hard no. But I offered to setup a PixelFed instance, and figure out how to link that to AD, so every kid in the school would get a handle.
They weren't interested. They wanted to be where everyone else is (IG) above all. I asked them who was going to start the "new thing" if not them, but they didn't want to put in the effort.
in reply to Grant_H

@grant_h

When it's just one teacher saying "set up this thing" it just sounds like more work.

You need to get the admins on board.

Make it the place where the scores from the sports teams are announced, where the vote totals from the elections are posted, that is make it part of the school and they'll care about it.

My students love the idea, it's the admins and other teachers who I can't get excited.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Mmm. In this case, I am the admin, and have enough cred with management to swing it.
They just had to post the content.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

@grant_h did the adults themselves express interest in using it, including using it themselves and not infrequently showing interesting things on it?

and were things other than pixelfed considered? (i still do not see anything pixelfed can do that multiple other fedi platforms don't do better)

in reply to potentially hazardous object

I haven't gotten as far as talking about software yet. Though I'm starting to think the way to sell them on this is to point out how much more elegant it would be than our current school electronic communication which is basically everyone spams everyone with email all the time.

Every club, team, department, etc. is just posting stuff to these horrible listserves like it's usenet and there are no forums. Just one big forum.

This would be a way to tame the chaos.

This entry was edited (12 hours ago)
in reply to myrmepropagandist

@apophis @grant_h

Today, on a sunday I have 130 school email notifications and all of them are from the listservs and I need to open most of them and look to see what it is.

OK I'll open like half of them.

But it's a mess.

Nonetheless we are already a school where students and teachers do mass digital communication in the community all the time.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@apophis@brain.worm.pink communication in schools is a perennial nightmare. Our MIS handles most of the parent side stuff, and Google Classroom a lot of the rest. But I still have 40+ emails a day to process.
Here (South Africa) there are a coue of dedicated school comms packages.
Privacy is also a thing - parents with access to teachers private phone num ers is a big no at my school, which I appreciate. Also, email has an auditable trail, not something most social media platorms have.
in reply to Grant_H

To be fair, this was a less than averagely motivated cohort, which biased it. I will try again at some point.
During covid, we set up (in house) Woocommerce sites so the matrics could do their fundraising bake sales, etc. Worked really well - but they had the motivation.
in reply to Grant_H

@grant_h

That said? I feel like this is coming. It may take like a decade but schools will figure it out.

The most ugly school social media problems happen when students have an "unofficial official" network and no one knows about it but some mean girls/guys.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Darkly? I think the big social media companies do not really want young people to be "empowered digital citizens" or "people who can set boundaries, and make wise choices about the online spaces they participate in"

They want them to be like many adults, kind of helpless and unable to look away from a kind of social media that makes their mental health worse while wasting their time and selling them garbage.

reshared this

in reply to myrmepropagandist

just had a flash that 'I am addicted to the internet'.

but it will pass, let me just scrol

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is a really excellent point, I've recently been exposed to how a lot of men talk about gacha game characters, and their lack of understanding of basic human interactions is really disturbing
in reply to myrmepropagandist

Of course. The predictable outcome of capitalist incentive structure is to try to construct a consumer who can't refuse the product.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

My kids school has basically sent out a warning to parents about the WhatsApp groups that each year group has set up. There is no adult involved. Kids are admins of these groups. The warning is also for the kids - administering a group comes with responsibility. They are 11, 12 13 yrs old.
A mastodon instance per year group could be a nice alternative. But they already have a school provided "social media" which is strictly moderated - maybe too strictly.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

> They ALL come to the dances

I didn't. Most dances I absolutely refused to participate in, and the one or two that I didn't I mostly stayed on the bleachers away from everyone.

And of course the one that I *did* go to someone wound up getting seriously injured / (killed?). So there was that.

This entry was edited (13 hours ago)
in reply to Jeff "Never puts the Oven Mitts away" Cliff, B.Sc.

@jeffcliff

I guess I'm an unlikely champion of the school dance considering I hated the whole concept as a kid, only went to one under duress (it was too loud) and never went again.

I get a different perspective as a teacher and hope that we've encouraged something better than what I was exposed to when I was younger (which to be fair wasn't as bad as it could have been, even in 1997 I somehow was at a school that didn't mandate )

That all of the students show up I take as a good sign.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@jeffcliff

My mom and dad, experienced a very different kind of school dance in the 1960s. It was very focused on straight dating cosplay I guess?

There were a billion rules about buying flowers for a girl and if you could pick her up in your horrible car.

These things evolve.

That said. I liked knowing I COULD go to the school dance and not going more than I'd like if all the parties were the kind where I wouldn't be invited.

myrmepropagandist reshared this.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@jeffcliff@shitposter.world
Ballroom dance was an extra in 1961, taught in the junior high school’s gym. A community center held “canteens” Saturday nights in Summer. Dancing cheek to cheek at 13.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

so much THIS!

*but* you have to get the ADULTS to not be the idiots in the room. 6 or 7 years ago our local charter school had a Facebook group, and the kids did NOT interact with it because there were one or two adults absolutely sucking ALL the oxygen out of the room with their bad takes and frankly 12-year-old behavior, modeling the worst of the worst to the student population.

This was before the current-day miasma that is FB and others, sadly predictive of current state…

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I agree, but imagine the tech team and the moderation needed. There may be legal implications too. Much easier for schools and local education authorities to outsource the need and the risk.
in reply to caffetino

@caffetino

"But imagine the tech team and the moderation needed"

They already use email, put up fliers, and do many things with communication that schools have ways to manage.

"Moderation" starts in the classroom. My students know how I expect them to treat each other. If anything it would be easier than some of the "she said x" but I didn't HEAR her say it so it's harder to be fair I deal with already.

But, mostly, the social media will just reflect the existing school culture.

myrmepropagandist reshared this.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@caffetino

If your school culture is mostly right and you don't have many problems with bullying you won't see it in the online space.

If there is a problem it seems like the problem needs to be addressed at the root. In the classroom and halls.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is somewhere I really think what they're doing at the Bonfire project could really shine! Especially since there's account data migration so after they leave they still get to bring their memories with them.

(preemptive link for anyone who happens across this who doesn't know: bonfirenetworks.org/app/social… )

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I wonder if there is a school/district that could run a pilot project of such a thing? And then once they land on best practices, push to have it replicated elsewhere? It would need to have some sort of star power to attract kids away from what they already have at their fingertips.
in reply to Bill Seitz

@billseitz

Teachers, as we always do for any school activity. Same rules.

But there could also be some work for student government. (we have student government make the dress code and this works well)

in reply to myrmepropagandist

So I am old enough that when I was in undergrad, my college ran MUSIC (McGill University System for Interactive Computing) - which functioned as a local social media with chat, bulletin board, and messaging. It was awesome, and I made lifelong friends through it. We even had a MUSIC group dance!
in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is a wonderful idea, except for the “not connected” part.

Many secondary schools have introductory computer science programs. Students could gain practical experience in sysadministration, gain valuable experience in moderation and social responsibility, serve the schools wider community, and popularize the model of a federated social media.

A lot ^could^ go wrong, I know. But if we wish to have an educated citizenry, this would be a way.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Das klingt nach einer so vielversprechenden Idee, um Kinder und Jugendliche den Umgang mit Social Media unter geschützten Bedingungen lernen zu lassen, dass das womöglich im #FediLZ schon jemand ausprobiert hat.
Gibt es Erfahrungen oder Gründe die gegen einen schulinternen Mastodon-Server sprechen?
in reply to myrmepropagandist

My impression is that Bonfire would be a great way to go, and that remaining federated would be OK if the moderation team was good.

I'd love to do this for Pasadena unified, and I think I could probably partner with Pasadena education foundation to do it not as a school thing but as a foundation thing the school could promote. moderation could be teachers and parents like PTA members... maybe I'll look into this in the new year? it goes along with the library stuff ive been doing...

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is a great idea, but in the US, schools will be unwilling/unable to take on the legal responsibility/liability for such a structure.
in reply to eswillwalker

@ELS

Schools have email and this isn't an issue? What new liabilities would be raised?

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I’m imagining that school email is not anonymous and I guess you’re imagining something more benign than current “wild” social media, where people feel that they can hide behind anonymity of a handle. If everyone were identified and there was true investment in moderating the network, it might work pretty well.
in reply to eswillwalker

@ELS

I don't really see the point of having an anonymous network inside of a school. Hadn't even thought of doing that.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Is the in-school email network limited to inside school? We have a university email network (actually, it’s gmail, but with the school edu handle), and everyone has an identifiable name, but it connects to the wider web. One thing I think that’s been specific to social media is that accounts can be “anonymous.” So, when you described an in-house social media network, I didn’t think through the possibility that accounts would never be anonymous. Anonymous accounts make the admin more responsible because blame cannot be assigned to anonymous individuals.
in reply to eswillwalker

@ELS

School email is just regular email although out-of-school incoming mail is blocked by a whitelist that includes parents and a few others.

No "anonymous" accounts is part of the "boring school party" aspect.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is especially poignant with the just-started, boneheaded #SocialMediaBan here in #Australia. And there is nothing in the legislation that would stop it AFAIK, unless and until they were to try to add mastodon to the list of proscribed sites, and as it isn’t a site I don’t really see how that could even work. The rules are way too stupidly written to ban a federation protocol.

myrmepropagandist reshared this.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Schools are already over-stretched and under resourced. We need a big boost in funding first.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

A friend had a very intelligent way of doing this, I thought:

Starting with texting, he made clear (and followed through) that he would be able to see and review every text sent/received from first receipt of phone (end of elementary school) to age 16. Same with social media. They had a regular time to review and discuss.

It also gave them a language and space to talk about pretty much any growing up topics, too.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

This reminds me of the liberal parenting mantra "If they don't try it at home, they'll try it some place else." 😁 (Mostly having to do with alcohol, but could be applied to other social commodities.) So, yeah—give the kids a social media that is less dangerous.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

My high school had a BBS that was run by students who had already been on other BBSes, with a faculty advisor, but became a lot of people's first experience online.

We put it together with an Apple ][ and a 10MB Sider drive that lived in a locked carrel in the gifted room.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

So much this. It turns my stomach to see Instagram as the medium of choice for my school. I have heard that the students spend little time on the feeds and go straight to the DMs but still … those feeds are cesspools! Still I wonder what it would take for our Hack Club to get IT’s blessing to fire up a Mastodon server, particularly since the students would graduate and have to maintain from elsewhere….they love Discord so more likely to use a Discord server.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

This is a very good idea. I know that teachers and school administrators will likely recoil in horror with cries of "how will we police it!" but your point that kids face a participate in social media that have not standards instead on point. A school of 500 students or so could support an extra support person to monitor the interactions and keep things civil. I suspect that the result would be the benefits of social media with fewer of the down-sides.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

this is such a good idea, and would take actual attention and time !
in reply to myrmepropagandist

OMG I have a 13 yo now and he's a great kid and he loves his school and community

It would be so great for him and his friends to have a loosely supervised social media account run through his moderately sized school (200 5th-8th graders)

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I've been thinking about (and worked on) setting up a mastodon server for just my students to post and respond to each other about their projects. I really like the idea of teaching them how to use social media responsibly and respectfully. But it would just be on my webserver on the school wifi. Having one open to the whole school would be so much better.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

myrmepropagandist reshared this.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

most European countries don't do it, afaik.
A party for all the families with games and cake in primary school, with maybe a school play.
Nothing beyond "bring cake to the last period of the semester/year" if the teacher is cool with it after that.
I don't think I would have gone to a school ball voluntarily.
in reply to plan-A

@zer0unplanned

Just a school? In this case "High School" the last four years before a kid will graduate and maybe go to college or start a job.

So school for kids age 14-18 years old?

I don't know if I understood your question.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@zer0unplanned
It's possible that the disconnect is not taking for granted (or perhaps even grasping) the concept of a large, organized school. There are cultures that *don't* herd all their children into big, compulsory educational institutions together.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I actually ... don't hate this. Supervision (i.e. moderation) is an issue, but assumably could be done similarly to sports or clubs (putting yet more burden on overworked teachers, but that's another issue.

(But also too: school dances and sporting events and yearbooks all had the express purpose of showing me just how excluded I was from the community. Same will happen with this.)

in reply to Three plus or minus five

@ThreeSigma

(But also too: school dances and sporting events and yearbooks all had the express purpose of showing me just how excluded I was from the community. Same will happen with this.)

That's how I felt about them too. I didn't attend my school's prom, for example.

But I think I would have liked it even less if it was one of those events I wasn't even invited to. (which also existed and only looking back can I see how obnoxious it was that the kids who went had to let me know)

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Let me validate your choice: I went and really really wish I hadn't.

But yeah, your point is taken. And sometimes there's a quiet kid who can write like an angel and has the most interesting thoughts. Maybe they'd share.

in reply to Three plus or minus five

@ThreeSigma

There was this 1950 style soda fountain where I grew up and it was a big deal to go there for milkshakes on friday's

The entire class except for me and the other two unpopular girls would go.

Very obnoxious. Though that was middle school.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@myrmepropagandist Coming from France where schools don’t have a mandatory auditorium nor graduation dances, this reads like a very American cultural exception. As a result, the education argument doesn’t really stick with me.
in reply to Hypolite Petovan

@hypolite

How do French teens have social events? Clubs? Church? Just small things with friends?

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@myrmepropagandist Very few school clubs, and not before high school. Socialization would have been either hanging informally at someone’s place or outside, or extracurricular activities, although with an 8-hour long school day, it has to be evenings or week-ends.
in reply to Hypolite Petovan

@hypolite

I'm trying to think if there is something other than the school that could provide some pretext of "neutral ground" to serve as the place for youth social media... though I don't know much about France so it is kind of beyond me.

In the US schools take on a LOT of this role as it is. If it's not the schools it's the church... (I would take the schools...)

in reply to myrmepropagandist

@myrmepropagandist I know it’s going to sound very French, but I guess the 90-minutes long school lunches were the social playground for us.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

I thought it was to teach heteronormativity, cisnormativity, "proper" gender roles, etc.
in reply to Cassandrich

@dalias

Oh that gets in the mix too. But not in the NYC city schools.

They don't really do much "romantic" dancing. They just eat all the snacks and argue about what music to play then dance in a circle.

Which is fine.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

Yeah I imagine this has gotten a lot better since when I was there, and that it's a lot better in urban and public education settings compared to rural and private.
in reply to Cassandrich

@dalias

There are always a few gay prom dates, but also sometimes friends will go together and it's not romantic.

There are also lots of girls and guys who will go to prom together and that's common but not mandatory.

The seniors are mostly interested in getting very cute photos with the backdrops they spend WAY TOO MUCH TIME making and they make a huge mess.

Anyway.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

I realize this isn’t about the social aspect, but I do wish that the music at dances wasn’t at literally deafening levels. I’m fairly certain a good percentage of my hearing loss is from attending high school dances where my ears were left ringing afterwards. My two kids who attended one during their middle school years both refused to go to a second one because the decibel level was painful for them.

We don’t need to harm kids’ hearing for them to have a good time together.

in reply to Pomegranate_Stew

Yeah I never got that. The kids at the school where I work don't like loud music but it's a very nerdy school.

I think some people like it for some reason, though. Extroverts need to be studied.

This entry was edited (18 hours ago)
in reply to myrmepropagandist

Sound like critical thinking to me...but do schools now days teach critical thinking? 🤔
in reply to myrmepropagandist

Thank you for this thread. I was not bullied, unlike many respondents here. I was extremely involved in providing social life for classmates at school. I organized dances, sports appreciation events, parties, parades, May Day celebration, Homecoming, class day. I designed and provided sets for assemblies, parade floats, and choir performances. I enlisted an awesome team. We worked hard and had a lot of fun. I have used these skills my entire adult life.