I hope it is okay to post this here.

Please don't respond in a negative way. I just don't think I could take it right now.

I posted on a different social media awhile ago about my sister and realize there needs to be more back story. My Mom cut my sister out of the will. I gave her half. She lost her job and wanted me to be there for her to talk, sometimes daily, even though I had a full time job and was a single Mom. Granted. I got really sick and needed her support. Nope. not available. She has now moved across the country to be "closer" to me and I hear and see from her less than ever. Since then, she has met a man and now I feel like I don't exist. She never texted or phoned unless I did first. She even cancelled our previous plans for Christmas. I am NOT a selfish person and don't begrudge her sharing Christmas with her new boyfriend. I just wish she hadn't said she would come, then back out. Heartbroken. Whatever. My son's 6 year partner recently broke up with him. I am heart broken. At first he was suicidal and came and stayed with me for a few days. He is still very severely depressed. Heartbroken. Our relationship has been fraught with misunderstandings and poor communication since he was a teenager. A couple of years ago a friend helped us with mediation when all my son did when he would got in touch with me was yell at me. We were doing better for awhile. For the first time in the last 20 or so years, he lives about a half hour drive away. Nearly every time I reach out to him, he ignores me. It was his 40th birthday yesterday. I sent him an e-card, posted a nice message on Facebook (which his Dad piggy backed on because he didn't have the courage or whatever to post his own) and left him a voice mail. When I didn't hear from him ... at all ...by late afternoon... I texted him. Thank God he responded! I was seriously worried that he had taken his life. And yet - not much more I can do. I have been very respectful, giving him his space. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks. Which some of you might think... not a big deal. It is a big deal to me because I know he will move away as soon as his lease is up in April and then I won't see him at all! and yet, if I say anything, he will run away even more. I know he is depressed and probably doesn't want to see anyone and that I shouldn't take it personally, though it is very challenging. Heartbroken.

Feeling like chopped liver with half of my family members. Geez

I have been crying for weeks over these two family dramas in my life.

As if that weren't enough, I finally found someone to play music with and now neither of my flutes will play very well. Those can be fixed, though in the meantime...Heartbroken.

AND I have tendinopathy in my right arm, which is preventing me from doing all of the things that I Love - crocheting, paddling and including playing my flute. I also make Christmas wreaths, which I probably won't be able to do this year. Heartbroken.

I deal with low energy, dizziness and other multiple other issues from a chronic illness every day of my life and manage to rise to many challenges. To some, these things that I have mentioned may seem minor. And compared to others, yeah, not a big deal.

I can't sleep. I lay down to sleep and I cry. Woke up at 4 am yesterday crying. My nervous system is so screwed up.

I have a counselor and she is helpful. I have friends. I am not a selfish person who makes everything about me. I have done personal growth workshops and have done a lot of work on myself.

I also have a husband who loves me and another son who does reach out often. Too bad my sons don't get along and the one who does talk to me can't handle me even bringing my other one up. sigh.

I just really need this pain to end. I am not suicidal. I just need a break.

I am not asking for advice, just understanding and moral support. Please don't respond in a negative way.

Heartbroken